The Limit Letter

By AMIRA BROWN

A lot of us struggle with the concept of saying no, fearing the idea of being perceived as mean or selfish. We have been taught that our values rely on being helpful, available, and supportive without any explicit exceptions to this rule. Are you looking to break the monotony? Many psychiatrists would suggest starting to implement boundaries into your relationships.  

Before setting boundaries it is important to understand what they are. “Boundaries aren’t walls – they’re doors”: an expression a lot of people have used. Mark Groves is a relationship podcast host for the “heart-led humans eager to expand perspectives, explore HARD truths, and break old patterns while cultivating depper, more honest connections with self”. He went on to break down the expression in one of his podcasts, explaining that walls keep everybody out, but boundaries teach people where the door is. 

Going through the stages of high school leaves room to discover your self identity and express that, however a lot of students feel like the school walls aren’t the only thing keeping them trapped. Shayna Byrd is a high school senior setting off to start her college journey soon, but she feels as though she missed a fundamental part of high school: learning to prioritize yourself. 

Byrd expressed feeling as if she was being pulled in different directions, being stretched too thin, but never finding a solution to her problems. She always wondered how to fix this problem, and to her surprise there are a lot of resources out there. 

So how do you set boundaries? Here are a few steps psychologists would suggest to get started. Step one: Make a list of your non-negotiables once you know what protects your peace and what drains you. Step two: practice saying “no” without over-explaining  yourself. Step Three: Use “I” statements to make yourself appear as firm, clear, and non-combative. And finally step four: Be consistent and expect discomfort instead of disaster.

Readers if you are unsure if you are the one who needs to here are a few signs that you may be a pushover:

• You often say yes when you really want to say no and always have a feeling of regret

• You feel responsible for others' problems and feelings, going out of your way to fix everyone else's situations. 

• You constantly apologize for things that are not your fault.